Porn is love you can see.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
