hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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