But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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