Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
