How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The chlamydia really affected his face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
