Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
