where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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