people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
