is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
