Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize