his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
