Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
