dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
