last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
