It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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