does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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