I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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