Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
