my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
