Please don't use social media to get back at me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
