i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
