I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
