My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize