Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
