If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
