i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
