i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
