I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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