with your own penis?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
