You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
