i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
