I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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