Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
