Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
false alarm. still invincible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
