I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
