Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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