she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize