He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There r osticjed everywhere
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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