For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
