girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize