Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your penis caused this!
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