so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
