I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
