I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
