Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
