am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
