Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize