The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
