paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
