i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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