You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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