We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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