I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
