This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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