Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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