Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize