My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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