I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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