Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize