it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize