There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
