Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
