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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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