dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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