Moan for me like Helen Keller
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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