I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize