New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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