I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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