I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
