then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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