omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
