stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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