yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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