one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
