i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
