I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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