I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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