just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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