PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
