Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
