My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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