i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FUCK WHALES
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