Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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