the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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