My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
