yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize