He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
