he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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