I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The feeling are messing with the penis
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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