Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
