I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
