hotel room ftw
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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