Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
