sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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