I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's the barista slut.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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