It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
