I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
