when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
