he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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