I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So. Much. Porn.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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