Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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