i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
